Minimizing Your Risk When Starting a New Friendship

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Back in January 2013 after feeling particularly inspired by a friend who was having great success at making new friends and business contacts, I made it a goal of mine to put myself out there more and start making my own new connections. I had moved back to Southern California in 2011 (after being gone for seven years) and was ready to start seeking out new friendships both personally and professionally.

However, when we open up ourselves to people we also become more vulnerable to those who can hurt us emotionally if we are not careful. Now that I know the warning signs, I am having the time of my life establishing new friendships and business relationships not worrying if I will get hurt and growing the ones that show potential like in an earlier post I wrote –Help New Connections Grow.

Tips to Help Reduce Risk of Getting Hurt When Making New Friends

If you are new to your area or have gone through a life transition and wish to get back out there or just desire to make some new positive connections, here are five tips I follow to minimize the risk for getting hurt when I start a new friendship.

  1. Stick to general topics. As they say, in the beginning stay away from religion, politics and anything that you feel overly opinionated about. Treat a new friendship like being on a date—show your strengths while minimizing your weaknesses because the wrong people can use that against you later on.
  2. Look for patterns. Like Dr. Phil says, when people show you who they are, take notice. If someone is joking about what a hot head they are and how people in general always frustrate them that might not be the person you want to hang around with on a regular basis.
  3. Heed warnings from other people. A few years back, I started hanging around a gal who a few people came up to me on the side and told me she had a track record for having big fights with women she got close to. Unfortunately, I continued my friendship with her and sure enough, I got burned from her exactly as the others had told me she would do!
  4. Beware of the instant best friend. Close friendships take time so be wary of the person who is revealing a lot of personal information and wants you to do the same. They have not earned your trust yet and you don’t know them well enough to know their true intentions.
  5. Be wary of the convenient friend. Just because you see someone on a regular basis through perhaps carpooling, sports or a regular event you both attend doesn’t mean you have to be best buddies. Logistics brought you together but it is similar values and complimentary personality traits that will determine if your “friendship” should go any deeper.

Have you been burned in a relationship by going too fast too soon? What warning signs do you look for? Let me know your thoughts!

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Cher Vierra Knebel

Cher Knebel is a professional writer, blogger and founder of Living Happily blog and website dedicated to sharing stories, happiness research and resources that focus on the positive impact of having close personal relationships and social connections. Join her community of happiness seekers and friendship promoters by visiting her website at

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