Reaching out to a friend from your past does not have to be intimidating. Find out the steps to make it happen so you can start making new memories with an old friend.
It’s a new year and a great time to make some social connection goals for the year. I believe one of the most impactful goals you can make is to reconnect with treasured friends or colleagues from your past – especially when they are from your childhood or teenage years. I did this in 2022 when I took my family to Europe, and we visited a childhood friend from Germany- you can read about that experience here.
In 2024, my biggest social connection goal was to reconnect with the Derner family, who were such a big part of my childhood. Growing up, I spent many unforgettable days at their farm near Mt. Shasta, California, where we shared family outings in both the summer heat and the brisk winters. But after more than 30 years without contact, the time had finally come to reach out.
This experience taught me valuable lessons, and I hope my journey will inspire you to reach out to friends who you haven’t talked to in years. Maybe you are not ready to reach out to someone in the past. But at a minimum, set some social connection goals for yourself.
Here are the steps I took to reconnect with a friend from the past:
- Decide who to reach out to
The first step in reconnecting was deciding who to visit and how to contact them. I remembered the Derner family fondly, but most of my old connections had moved on or passed away. My great-uncle Detlef and aunt Annie had been key figures in those memories, but they passed away over 20 years ago. Using tools like Google, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram, I researched to find out who might still be around.
After some searching, I discovered that Jake Derner, one of the family members, had taken over the ranch where I had spent so many memorable days. I contacted him via email, expressing my wish to reconnect and arrange a visit. I was pleasantly surprised when Jake responded positively!
- Communicate with sensitivity
When reaching out after so many years, I was careful to approach the communication gently. I didn’t want to overwhelm or impose, so I kept the messages brief and clear. A few text exchanges later, we agreed on a few days to visit, and I could sense the mutual excitement. It was important to be respectful of each other’s time and schedules, which is why I kept the conversation straightforward and polite.
- Plan out the trip
Planning the trip took several months, and budgeting for it was a crucial part of the process. While I wanted to be frugal, I also didn’t want to make the trip a chore. I considered everything from car rentals to hotel stays, trying to keep costs manageable without sacrificing enjoyment. To save money, we rented a car to drive from Orange County up to Northern California (north of Sacramento) where they lived. We then decided after our visit, we would keep driving north to visit my parents in Medford, Oregon. I opted for us to fly back home rather than drive the entire way, saving both time and frustration.
- Plan the best route to take
Once I knew what our two major destinations were and how we were getting there, I planned the best route to take. Since we were driving, we had more flexibility to make additional stops and enjoy the journey. Along the way, we visited Shaver Lake and stayed in a charming bed and breakfast before joining Cher’s family in the Bay Area for a casual family reunion the next day.
I then planned to meet another childhood friend, Russ Brigham, who lived an hour away from the reunion (outside of Sacramento) and planned to stay at a local hotel that night. Then after visiting Derner ranch, I planned a brief visit to Burney Falls – a stunning area of waterfalls and natural beauty. We loved having the opportunity to explore more of California!
I was glad to put in our itinerary a visit with my friend Russ, who I hadn’t seen in 40 years. Our families shared a deep history, and I missed him. Our fathers co-founded a company, Tribex, decades ago, and Russ runs it now. We spent the late afternoon reconnecting, touring his company, and reminiscing over dinner. It was one of the most memorable parts of the trip and a reminder of how special old friendships can be.
- Prepare what to bring
In addition to planning the route, I made sure to think about what hospitality gifts to bring to thank my friends for having us visit. I also brought old photos to share from my visits to the farm when I was younger.
- Savor the time together
When we arrived, Jake greeted us with warmth, and I could sense the excitement in the air. They prepared an amazing tri-tip dinner and invited friends and family too. The evening was filled with family, laughter, and stories. The ranch, though different from how I remembered it, still held a sense of nostalgia, with vast fields and the same stunning beauty. The next day Jake gave us a tour of the ranch and small home we stayed at when I was just a boy.
On the day we were leaving the ranch, my wife and I took in the sights—the rising sun, the sounds of cows mooing, and the beauty of nature. It was a bittersweet farewell, but I knew I had rekindled something meaningful. We exchanged contact information and connected with some of them on Facebook. We left the door open for future visits at their place or ours and my wife added Russell and Jake to our Christmas card list and sent them both this year.
Conclusion: What is your Social Connection Goal for 2025?
Reconnecting with the Derner family was an enriching and unforgettable experience. I was glad that I fit in a visit with Cher's family members, Russ and my parents too. It took planning, patience, and effort, but the rewards were worth it. Who is someone you want to connect with from your past?
If you need some help with planning your social connection goals for the year and want to learn more on why social health is a crucial element to a healthy and happy life, check out our latest release, Your Social Connection Guidebook. It is available as a paperback on Amazon or as an ebook here. Share your thoughts or plans in the comments below. Let’s inspire each other to make more meaningful connections this year!
